Why are people with borderline personality disorder so capab...

I’m so. Fucking. Sorry.

Let me correct myself. Not once. Not twice. Maybe, more than a hundred times. It’s embedded in me like deep scar tissue; an imprint from people who were supposed to love me.

I’m so sorry to the people who love me for me. I’m so fucking sorry, because when you gave me a safe space to show my true colors, to be myself, to express myself…you got the angry version of me. The resentful version of me. The hateful version of me. The hurt version of me. The depressed version of me. The worst. Fucking. Version. Of me.

Ive been pretending to be okay and acting as normal as possible, but Im actually completely heartbroken after a recent breakup. Its painful and really affecting me, to the point where I cant concentrate at work, Ive lost my appetite, I cant sleep, and It feels as if my whole world has been turned upside down. I loved him so much. He said so many cruel things to me and it made me realize he must not have loved me the way I loved him, or he wouldnt have said such horrible things. How do I handle the heartbreak and why cant I accept that he didnt love me and just forget about him?

The only way I could protect my broken heart was to get meaner than the vipers who broke me. Colder than the hearts who were supposed to care for me. When it hurts I have to pretend to be indifferent. When I’m falling apart I have to fake it until I make it. When I’m disrespected I have to be perfectly fucking stoic or it will be used against me. I have to grey rock people who were meant to be kind to me.

Because someone once ripped me apart with their words.

Why are people with borderline personality disorder so capable of ripping someone apart with their words?

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